The Mental Training For You

I did this course, I did this degree

Mainly For you, and a little for me

I knew things would be different, the day I was born

As you weren’t there, you were withdrawn

My life wasn’t bright, as each day was a fight

You say it’s none of my business and you’re probably right

But I could hear you every night

When you cried from fright

Dad left, and I know you tried your best

But you couldn’t function and you couldn’t rest

You can be hostile and vile

And make the depression stay a while

To be loved by you was my only wish

But you were a snake which mainly hissed

I tried my best, I wanted to do well

I tried to suggest but you would just yell

You’re convinced I’m evil and unfriendly

Even when I tried to comfort you gently

You scream and become hysterical

And if you could get better that would be a miracle

You turned people against me

Manipulated my identity

Tell me I’m cruel and like the devil

And that I’m the cause for all the peril

I was an easy target to take the blame

I was an easy target to take the shame

So I’m studying this course for you mainly

Because I’m losing you to the illness daily

You’d draw me in then shut me out

You feel me with hurt and make me self-doubt

I watched you hurt yourself and others around you

And felt the time bomb ticking while you brewed

I’m not scared of becoming you or being sad

I’m scared of the person you’re convinced I am

I can’t self-regulate or keep a relationship

But I’m getting better through my friendships

The people here see me for who I really am

Not just a currently depressed girl on Citalopram

I can get a PHD and become a therapist

I can get a PHD and become a psychiatrist

Because you are not evil, you are sick

But I cannot save you with a magic trick

So I will have to accept, that I cannot change the past

And I cannot aid your future

Even when I’m mature, I cannot stop your pain for sure

I will help others the way I couldn’t help you

I can counsel them and guide them through

So I’ll remember the times when you were happy and you were funny

And just remember no matter what you do I will always love you mummy

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