A Personification Of My Depression

I remember when I first met you
Happy, smiley not a single drop of blue
So full of hope and wonder
Always such, the fighter
I remember you being so positive and bubbly
And everyone around you thought you were lovely
Well not everybody
Not the people you wished did
They were my stepping stones
As you will
To you alone
Such a shame
That they’re not sane
Such a shame
That they caused you strain

The day I met you for good
Was my favourite day
Celebrating Christmas as one should
With the abuse coming out to play
Was too much wasn’t it
Bless
A day which you lost it
Lost it to my grey
what did they call you?
Manipulative, vindictive
Untrustworthy, etc
How rejecting how unwanted
Such a shame

You though you had it sorted

You were such a confident lady
So calm and secure
Easy going and mature
You could brush off the worse
Like it wasn’t the first
You were always solitary
Asking for help was a rarity
Standing on your own
Emotionally like stone
But that smile
You always had that smile
It was the first thing people saw
It was so difficult to ignore
That smile that brought you friends
A smile that never seemed to end

I wanted to know what happened when I stole it
I wanted to see you crumble and fall
I wanted to show it
That side that can’t stand tall
That’s insecure and needy
Attention seeking and greedy
A side that is not you but me
My side that you’ve named Mr Hyde

That last year nobody could get to know you
Because I was shining through
They think you’re depression
And depression is you
They’ve got to know someone that isn’t you
And you will be judged by that
By the blue
You’re on antidepressants
And though they thought they could be friends
With that peasant
Boo hoo

I feel you’re trying to fight me
Is that what your doing Jenny
How sweet
but even society thinks your weak
Depression they think it’s a choice
What a bonus for me
As it leaves you without a voice
What is it that say? Get over it?
They think I’m like a cold how pathetic
My favourite stigma is that they think we’re one
They think my persuasion is your attitude
They think invasion is down to you
How ridiculous they can’t hear my ridicule and torture
They think I’m a bad day and nothing more
How funny it’s like they all want me to win
Do you know what I like
They think I’m an emotion
Just a feeling within
They think you just feel sad
Upset
That you just feel bad
And useless
They tell you they’re there for you
Then realise the realty
And leave so soon
Boo hoo
Haha no clarity

I was so close to finishing you off
That one week where it all went wrong
And yet I was feeling so strong
You cut off everyone and went to go BUT THEN THAT GOD DAMN GIRL RANG YOUR GOD DAMN PHONE!!!
I HATE HER, SHE SAVED YOU
TALKED YOU TO A AND E
AND YOU PULLED THROUGH!!!
spent that time in the hospital thriving and surving
With your best friend by your side
I almost got you that day too
You were almost consumed by Hyde

Taking mediation to keep me at bay
With therapy to talk me away
You’re trying so hard
But people think your lazy
Desperate in trying to beat me
But they just think you’re crazy
I’m just an echo of your past Jenny
Repeating those damaging words
So so gently
Grow up and forget it
They say it so easily
Move on you’re pathetic
Like they know what they’re talking about
Move on and stop self wallowing around
But we know how destructive I am
Puny minds will never know
The desperation for Citalopram
How I’m more than just an illness
But your shamed for my abhorrent sickness
Hahaha
You keep fighting Jenny
You may beat me this time
But you will always be at risk little miss warrior
So when the time comes and I’m ready
I will be after you like an unwanted haunted medley

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