If Borderline

If I go to therapy

If I take my meds

If I let you help me

If I try my best

 

If I change who I am

If I take in the criticism

If I carry on the Citalopram

If I carry my optimism

 

If I pretend I’m fine

If I over react to sound

If I give off all the signs

If I constantly breakdown

 

If I cry one minute

And laugh the next

If I start to prosecute

Will it make sense?

 

If I’m easily triggered

And think too much

If I become bitter

And become too harsh

 

If I socialise one minute

If I withdraw the next

If my mind starts to parachute

If I start to feel helpless

 

If anxiety is normal

And Depression is next

If I don’t cope at all

If I become intense

 

If I end up dead

If I end up alive

If I remain scared

If I try to strive

 

If I mess up relationships

If I continue my outbursts

If I mess up relationships

If I attack first

 

If I struggle interpersonally

If I cross the line

If I blow up internally

Would you call me borderline?

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Silenced By Shame

I wake up each day

And ignore the grey

Forever scared

It will send the fog

My way

 

What you see

And what I see

Are totally different

 

Because what’s in me

And what I try to be

Doesn’t seem coherent

 

I want to say what’s going on

But I don’t want to ruin

Us getting along

 

It’s like my brains

Screams one thing

And my body screams

Another

 

It’s like one shouts insane

And the other shouts

Take cover

 

The wolfs excited

Here comes the

The one year anniversary

But I try to hide it

And it’s haunting adversary

 

Don’t let anyone in

That’s what I learnt

As throughout existing

I just end up getting hurt

 

This illness isn’t mine

It was drilled into me

Throughout time

 

So why am I carrying it?

Why do I have to fight it?

I didn’t ask

To be lumbered with it

 

Still picking up the pieces

From someone else’s

Mental rage

 

Hopefully now they’ll leave me

Hopefully now they’re satisfied

Till the end of days

With their peace of mind

 

 

It seemed to last forever

And the extent

They would go

To ruin me

 

Well…

It showed me

A side of life scarier than

Ever

 

No heroes

No saviours

You’re on your own

Kid I’ll see you later

 

A reoccurring theme

That runs through my destiny

 

Sending me a Depression

That brought me to my knees

 

While a being kicked

Me down harder

With a passion for giving

Trauma

 

Silenced

By emotional

Violence

 

No I’m resistant

To let people know

If I need assistance

 

I don’t want to be the person

That the label brings

If I worsen

I’ll just keep it

Tucked within

 

Because the voice of shame

Shouts louder then

The emotional pain

 

Talk to me when

You’re not okay

But negativity

Pushes people away

 

So I’m scared to say

If I’m struggling in

The grey

 

Society warns people

That the mentally different are dangerous

That we should treat these people

As strangers and not our neighbours

 

Out casted by our own race

Might as well shoot us

Down in that case

 

So I will

Deal with this myself

People want to help

They care for my health

 

But the voice of shame

Continues its silencing

Rein

Hallelujah

I thought that our friendship

Was safe and strong

And I thought I was there for you

Through the storm

And if I had known

I would have come sooner

But that night was long

And full of despair

As you took your life

You fell from the chair

With the broken song of Hallelujah

 

And I sat with you by your side

As an hour before you said you were fine

But I should have read into you deeper

But I should have seen the pain in your eyes

Over the face of your… I’m okay lies

And we sing the broken song of Hallelujah

 

But we are not taught how to deal with this

A lesson that society seems to miss

And the cost of that meant you went to heaven sooner

And if I knew what I knew now that I didn’t back then

I would’ve kicked your door down and thwarted your end

But Now I sing the broken song of Hallelujah

 

And I wish you told me what was going on

And let me in because you’d be gone

I would have tried harder to get through to you

Because you needed to know how much cared

And I’m sorry that we were all unprepared

So now we sing the broken song of Hallelujah

 

So now I study psychology

Learning the different ways of psychotherapy

To save others the way I couldn’t save you

Because it breaks my heart that you’re at Heaven’s gate

Because you thought that was your only escape

And still I sing the broken song of Hallelujah

 

Now years gone by after that painful night

I make sure to ask others if they’re alright

And be the better friend I should’ve been to you

And I hope things are better for you up there

And I pray that God give you love to spare

So I can praise him with the words of Hallelujah

 

My Mate Stan By M. Clover

My mate Stan is my best friend
We’ve known each other for years
And we’re always together .
No matter what, I have Stan

Stan is my only true friend
We talk and we play games all the time
When I’m feeling low I know Stan will be there
He will wipe away my tears and my pain

Others do not get me and Stan
We are close friends the best of friends
They tell me that Stan is no good
And that I have to stop playing with him

That Stan is harmful and bad for me
That I need to stop playing with him

And talk to other people…
What Will Stan do with out me

Because only Stanley knife

Is always with me

Onlooker To Your Illness

Life each day

Gets a little heavier

Looking for a way

That shows it won’t last forever

 

If you’ve felt it

Felt the grey

You know the horror

Of not being okay

 

Depression has no mercy

And mental illness likes its rein

Society thinks the cure is shame

So we take the blame

And let the stigmas stain

 

Since silence is safety

But the silence traps us daily

There’s no escape

When the trauma attacks you

But still we fight

And stretch through

 

Run guys

Run Friends

Run families

Run to the bitter end

Because we need to escape

From this desperate state

But simple on lookers

Don’t see

The hurricane war

That brews inside me

 

To keep others at ease

You start saying your needs

Are pleased

But the next day they find you in hospital

Wondering how this can even be possible

 

But these days

 

They will say

 

That they didn’t speak

To not push people away

But over the course

They’re slowly surrendering to the grey

So come back to us

Those who care but don’t know

Those who were there know the road

 

Each day you see their pain

With a gentle sigh

Because you know

Saying outload will cause despise

So we sit here and pray

Hoping one day they’ll be given back

From the hosting grey

 

Each day a little more of them disappears

Each day you wish for the mental clear

Bring them back

Give us back our friends

Watching them strain from the pain

That sends them insane

And all we can do is look

And hope for a change

 

We reach out

We help

We ask them if they’re about

To watch their mental health

Try to visit and ring

In desperate hope they’re still existing

 

But they can’t feel

What they believe is real

That no one cares

No matter how much we’re there

 

They’re our world

Our smiles

And we work hard

To make it worth while

 

Wishfully thinking

Please don’t deteriorate

Please don’t die

Please don’t let the desolate

Take you to the sky

 

So please come back to us

Watching you suffer

And turn to dust

I would destroy mental illness if I could

And give us back you

Back to the way it should

Out of the clutches of the grey hue

 

So Run Friends

Run family

Run everyone to the bitter end

As long as we run with you

I’ll hold your hand until you ascend

 

Keep you close

Worrying persistently

You’re not about to jump off a cliff

At a seaside coast

 

Still there even when you’re at your most difficult

Because I’d rather you here

Then dead because you gave up and did the unthinkable

 

I don’t care what you do

As long I can see you

One day smile

Because you pulled through

Anthem Of Blue

Citaloprams Hush

Citaloprams quiet

Dismissing us

Through Depressions riot

 

Getting up everyday

To breathe Hells fire

Keep on trudging

Don’t stop Rushing

 

The motivation

Of our salvation

In honour of society’s exploitation

 

Keep it sane

Keep it simple

Or life will take you

And keep you little

 

Move to the rhythm

As we all fight the system

The ones that died

We will miss them

Remember them

 

Remember that they tried

To fight the illness

Confided in their mind

Looking for a sign

Looking for a hero

 

Waiting for a doctor

To shoot us with a steel based arrow

Through the invisible war

That people see as an eye sore

 

So lock us all away

To make it all okay

Because deep down we’re all scared

Deep down no one’s prepared

 

To reach for the summer that others seem to love

But the warmth for us just never seems enough

To exit our winter and its dark decay

Told in everyway

To take each day slowly

Told to hope and pray

 

So we brave a straight face

And continue working

As good as the others

Who are not hurting?

 

We shout the words

That people are too scared to say

Because honesty is the best policy

So they phrase

 

Looking at the others

Wondering if they suffer

The same way we do

Wondering if they’re trapped

In life’s painful hue

 

Watching Gods saviours

Also turn to the blue

They say the old fairy tale lie

That we’re all meant to be loved

That we’ll find someone to help us brave

The rough

 

But come on now that’s wrong

Depression took the happy insight

Now it’s all gone

So come pray with me

Come hope that one day we will see

The light at the end of the tunnel

That will heal our destiny

When We reached Out For The Stars

We live to love

And love to live

But it’s not enough

What you give

 

You could be perfect

In everyday

But whether you’re worth it

Is our price to pay

 

We worked

And reached

In search

For peace

 

But no clarity

Came our way

So do try hard

Because one day

What will be a laugh

But will be tomorrows scar

 

Get me out of crisis

Get me out of this state

Get me out Depressions mist

Please help me to escape

 

I am calling out

But in all the wrong ways

Because I’m filled with self-doubt

And the mental interplay

 

The sensation is so strong

The sensation is so intense

Why is this being prolonged?

Why is it pushing me to these lengths?

 

My chest is going to explode

And I’m in agony

My brain is about to implode

And release this tragedy

This intensity will push people away

Because I can’t hurt them

While I decay

 

So why not another

Why not the other

Just send the Depression over

So it can send me under

 

Clawing through its night

Under its enormous cluster

Of unfortunate fights

There won’t be love

There can’t be emotion

Because we’ve been through enough

To know its commotion

 

People want happiness

And good mental health

Not to deal with one’s madness

That we can’t help

 

So come on

Let it take its blow

Because people like me

Know one day

It will surface the ghost

 

We reached out for the stars

But fell to ruins

So let it scar

As we’re losing