Only For An Hour

I don’t want to be here

I’m sick of breathing
I’m sick of fear
All I’m doing is grieving
Every moment
I wish was my last
Every footstep
Feels like glass
The pain is unreal
Yet I feel nothing
I’m just trying to heal
But I can’t stop suffering
Self medicating
With whatever I can find
Fuck meditating
I’ll just drink the wine
Popping painkillers
Like they’re sweets
Take them with tequila
And faint on my sheets
Anything to numb
The pain
Anything to run
From shame
The emotions
Swirling and turning
In my brain
The commotion
Of burning is surging
Through my vains
Nothing makes sense
But everything seems pointless
Death has a stench
And fighting is fruitless
Let the cocodomal
Put me to sleep
I can feel it working now
And in an hour or so
The pain will deplete
It’s temporary, I’m not proud
I just need something
To fill this void
I know it’s passing
Just don’t be annoyed
We’ve all got our
So don’t be sour
It’s not heroin
And it’s only for an hour
Just don’t think
Just don’t feel
Just be still
And let it heal

Unwanted Anniversary

It’s been a year you

Piece of shit

It’s been a year

And you’re still here


Go on then tell me

The news

How no one wants me

Say what you chose


Ask me where

My family is

Oh yeah they disowned me

We’ve been over this


Tell me again

How I’m scum

That people pretend

I’m a loved one


Tell me to kill myself

Say it loud and proud

That my mental health

Covered by your black cloud


Narrate your way

Into my little life

Push me each day

To grab a knife

Fuck you

You’re not winning

Fuck you

I’m still living


I may be silenced

By your reign

But I will forever protest

Your game


With a painted smile

Saying I’m fine

But I know the vile

Pain inside


But your just years

Of blame

Years of abuse

Years of shame


You’re not mine

Hyde can have this back

Fuck this bloodline

My life is on a different track


You’re the worst present

In history

And if I could dispose of you

I would instantly


You can throw painful


You can throw eventful

Years of treachery


Go ahead let me

Relive the lot

But my tablets have the words

Written fuck off


The mentally ill

Should be



Be careful

Be weary

Be aware

In case it’s scary


Those words in my head

Keep shouting

It’s like the whole world

Is still howling


Ignorance is a bliss

And sure

We’ll give it a miss

But some things stick


Enough to make you

Want to leave

And run from the blue

You make me feel unlovable

You make me feel deep down

I’m just pure trouble


You say people don’t care

Fine have it your way

You say people won’t ever love me

Fine just have your say


Probably true

Probably not

But happy unwanted anniversary

Now get lost

What Now?

Life is one way

And the other way

Is grey


Breaking apart storms

That always seem to ricochet

Into the dawn


It’s like life

Is Gods game

And we’re here

To be mocked


So we brave substances

That alleviate

This worlds grudges

And this over world shock


We can’t always save

The people

That are taken by the sea


We can’t always help

The people

That just want to be

Left to be


We can’t always stop

The pain

That others feel


We can’t always leave

The past

That brings the scars

Into our reality


We can’t always love

The people

That hurt us



And we can’t always be




There are times

When the disheartened

Feeling takes its tole


And depression looms in

During the darker times

Of a grieving soul


So don’t hold our hands

As we walk towards

The bitter cold


Let us leave, let us go

As society looks

On through their tainted



So as

Those howls

Call us in


In our minds

The darkness

Always seems

To win


You can’t save everyone

That’s what the world



And the frustration

That it brings

Just brings

A prolonged sting


But as the dreary months

Just seem to cast on over

As one’s life is just

Seems to get lower


But then something



And the hard work

That takes ages


Seems to take

You somewhere


Its pace

Takes us places


And what we dreams of

And anticipated

Seems to be waiting for us

To grab and share


And when we look


And wonder


We wonder

If life off track

With its plunder


Was a sign

That things needed

To change

So it took us under

And showed us its hunter


Did we really want to?

Kill ourselves


Was it too

Rid the internal



To destroy

Apart of ourselves

The riot


That just screamed


Then the rest of

Our self

Which was quiet


What are we now?

Where are we?


Are people like me?

Out there?


Is there a place

For people

Like us?


To fit in?

Or are we to turn

To dust?


I guess

No one can know


So for now

I’ll just ride with it

And go where the wind blows



I thought that our friendship

Was safe and strong

And I thought I was there for you

Through the storm

And if I had known

I would have come sooner

But that night was long

And full of despair

As you took your life

You fell from the chair

With the broken song of Hallelujah


And I sat with you by your side

As an hour before you said you were fine

But I should have read into you deeper

But I should have seen the pain in your eyes

Over the face of your… I’m okay lies

And we sing the broken song of Hallelujah


But we are not taught how to deal with this

A lesson that society seems to miss

And the cost of that meant you went to heaven sooner

And if I knew what I knew now that I didn’t back then

I would’ve kicked your door down and thwarted your end

But Now I sing the broken song of Hallelujah


And I wish you told me what was going on

And let me in because you’d be gone

I would have tried harder to get through to you

Because you needed to know how much cared

And I’m sorry that we were all unprepared

So now we sing the broken song of Hallelujah


So now I study psychology

Learning the different ways of psychotherapy

To save others the way I couldn’t save you

Because it breaks my heart that you’re at Heaven’s gate

Because you thought that was your only escape

And still I sing the broken song of Hallelujah


Now years gone by after that painful night

I make sure to ask others if they’re alright

And be the better friend I should’ve been to you

And I hope things are better for you up there

And I pray that God give you love to spare

So I can praise him with the words of Hallelujah