Unwanted Anniversary

It’s been a year you

Piece of shit

It’s been a year

And you’re still here

 

Go on then tell me

The news

How no one wants me

Say what you chose

 

Ask me where

My family is

Oh yeah they disowned me

We’ve been over this

 

Tell me again

How I’m scum

That people pretend

I’m a loved one

 

Tell me to kill myself

Say it loud and proud

That my mental health

Covered by your black cloud

 

Narrate your way

Into my little life

Push me each day

To grab a knife

Fuck you

You’re not winning

Fuck you

I’m still living

 

I may be silenced

By your reign

But I will forever protest

Your game

 

With a painted smile

Saying I’m fine

But I know the vile

Pain inside

 

But your just years

Of blame

Years of abuse

Years of shame

 

You’re not mine

Hyde can have this back

Fuck this bloodline

My life is on a different track

 

You’re the worst present

In history

And if I could dispose of you

I would instantly

 

You can throw painful

Memories

You can throw eventful

Years of treachery

 

Go ahead let me

Relive the lot

But my tablets have the words

Written fuck off

 

The mentally ill

Should be

Avoided

 

Be careful

Be weary

Be aware

In case it’s scary

 

Those words in my head

Keep shouting

It’s like the whole world

Is still howling

 

Ignorance is a bliss

And sure

We’ll give it a miss

But some things stick

 

Enough to make you

Want to leave

And run from the blue

You make me feel unlovable

You make me feel deep down

I’m just pure trouble

 

You say people don’t care

Fine have it your way

You say people won’t ever love me

Fine just have your say

 

Probably true

Probably not

But happy unwanted anniversary

Now get lost

What Now?

Life is one way

And the other way

Is grey

 

Breaking apart storms

That always seem to ricochet

Into the dawn

 

It’s like life

Is Gods game

And we’re here

To be mocked

 

So we brave substances

That alleviate

This worlds grudges

And this over world shock

 

We can’t always save

The people

That are taken by the sea

 

We can’t always help

The people

That just want to be

Left to be

 

We can’t always stop

The pain

That others feel

Deeply

We can’t always leave

The past

That brings the scars

Into our reality

 

We can’t always love

The people

That hurt us

Badly

 

And we can’t always be

Heroes

Sadly

 

There are times

When the disheartened

Feeling takes its tole

 

And depression looms in

During the darker times

Of a grieving soul

 

So don’t hold our hands

As we walk towards

The bitter cold

 

Let us leave, let us go

As society looks

On through their tainted

Window

 

So as

Those howls

Call us in

 

In our minds

The darkness

Always seems

To win

 

You can’t save everyone

That’s what the world

Sings

 

And the frustration

That it brings

Just brings

A prolonged sting

 

But as the dreary months

Just seem to cast on over

As one’s life is just

Seems to get lower

 

But then something

Changes

 

And the hard work

That takes ages

 

Seems to take

You somewhere

 

Its pace

Takes us places

 

And what we dreams of

And anticipated

Seems to be waiting for us

To grab and share

 

And when we look

Back

And wonder

 

We wonder

If life off track

With its plunder

 

Was a sign

That things needed

To change

So it took us under

And showed us its hunter

 

Did we really want to?

Kill ourselves

Or

Was it too

Rid the internal

Thunder

 

To destroy

Apart of ourselves

The riot

 

That just screamed

Louder

Then the rest of

Our self

Which was quiet

 

What are we now?

Where are we?

 

Are people like me?

Out there?

 

Is there a place

For people

Like us?

 

To fit in?

Or are we to turn

To dust?

 

I guess

No one can know

 

So for now

I’ll just ride with it

And go where the wind blows

 

Hallelujah

I thought that our friendship

Was safe and strong

And I thought I was there for you

Through the storm

And if I had known

I would have come sooner

But that night was long

And full of despair

As you took your life

You fell from the chair

With the broken song of Hallelujah

 

And I sat with you by your side

As an hour before you said you were fine

But I should have read into you deeper

But I should have seen the pain in your eyes

Over the face of your… I’m okay lies

And we sing the broken song of Hallelujah

 

But we are not taught how to deal with this

A lesson that society seems to miss

And the cost of that meant you went to heaven sooner

And if I knew what I knew now that I didn’t back then

I would’ve kicked your door down and thwarted your end

But Now I sing the broken song of Hallelujah

 

And I wish you told me what was going on

And let me in because you’d be gone

I would have tried harder to get through to you

Because you needed to know how much cared

And I’m sorry that we were all unprepared

So now we sing the broken song of Hallelujah

 

So now I study psychology

Learning the different ways of psychotherapy

To save others the way I couldn’t save you

Because it breaks my heart that you’re at Heaven’s gate

Because you thought that was your only escape

And still I sing the broken song of Hallelujah

 

Now years gone by after that painful night

I make sure to ask others if they’re alright

And be the better friend I should’ve been to you

And I hope things are better for you up there

And I pray that God give you love to spare

So I can praise him with the words of Hallelujah