Ancestors Curse

Average life

Average ways

According to other eyes

And to what they say

 

There is a sign

That always starts to brew

A repeating of times

A curse falling through

 

I hear her cries

She comes to my side

As I can see to the other

Into the other side

 

A breathe of sorrow

An eternity in purgatory

There is no tomorrow

It’s the end of their story

 

She made mistakes

And her daughter did the same

A bloodline of hate

And a passing on of the blame

 

Who let the let the past

Watch the future

Who let their overcast

Paint our picture

 

Who let the spirits

Walk into our door

Am I the witness?

If so, what for?

 

Change your ways

Or end up the same

If you ignore and stay

You will turn insane

 

Her hopes and regrets

Are passed through

A whisper

 

Do not be what

I was also abused into

Not at any cost

Did I wish this for you

 

Do not become what I

Caused

Do not succumb to life long

Wars

 

I remain here

Because I still want

My girls together

 

But it’s clear

That is not to be

Ever

 

I know you can see me

You have done for years

Now please just hear me

Please save an old woman from fears

 

It is a vicious cycle

That runs through the family

It starts with denial

And ends in insanity

 

I can see that now

And the trauma

It creates

 

But it’s too late now

I am no longer

In living state

 

But you’re still here

Please don’t become

What I couldn’t help

 

Let go of fear

It’s easier said than done

But help yourself

 

You cannot change the past

And you cannot change them

Life goes so fast

Please bring the cycle to the end

Run From The Sun 8 End Of Major Depression

 

The sun is bright

The sky is blue

I look over and see you

 

With the dark clouds

In the distance

Just a small thunder sound

That’s not interference

 

The medication worked

And so did the therapy

The dedication caused the perk

And I feel free

 

The black hound

Is chained down

The wicked beast

Is unable to feast

 

No more running

No more escaping

No more fighting

No more shaming

 

The flowers next to me

Continue to whisper

Well done to thee

You escaped from winter

 

But continue the meds

The old oak tree said

One tablet a day

Will keep the wolf at bay

 

I look to the meadow

Which is rich with life

Remembering snow

And decay from that darkened time

 

No more abuse

No more pain

No more screw loose

No more rain

 

You’ve come far

The oak tree speaks

Just a few scars

But now a healthy seed

 

The wolf you fear

Is in the forest

My dear

So lift that weight of your chest

 

Your bloodline bears the curse

But you can change the fate

Stop it from getting worse

It’s not too late

 

It’s been a long journey

But now it has a happy ending

It seemed lonely

But you ended up winning

 

There may be times

Where you can still hear

The howl

 

But let that be a sign

Not to fear

The sound

If Borderline

If I go to therapy

If I take my meds

If I let you help me

If I try my best

 

If I change who I am

If I take in the criticism

If I carry on the Citalopram

If I carry my optimism

 

If I pretend I’m fine

If I over react to sound

If I give off all the signs

If I constantly breakdown

 

If I cry one minute

And laugh the next

If I start to prosecute

Will it make sense?

 

If I’m easily triggered

And think too much

If I become bitter

And become too harsh

 

If I socialise one minute

If I withdraw the next

If my mind starts to parachute

If I start to feel helpless

 

If anxiety is normal

And Depression is next

If I don’t cope at all

If I become intense

 

If I end up dead

If I end up alive

If I remain scared

If I try to strive

 

If I mess up relationships

If I continue my outbursts

If I mess up relationships

If I attack first

 

If I struggle interpersonally

If I cross the line

If I blow up internally

Would you call me borderline?

Home Is Where The Heart Is

If I had a home

I would make it permanent

Never alone

And I’d be allowed in it

 

No more packing up

And leaving

No more running away as such

No more grieving

 

No more you’re not

Wanted here

No more feeling lost

In fear

 

No more getting too comfortable

In a space, I don’t belong

No more trouble

No more be gone

 

No more of my mind

Interpreting things wrong

Because I can go inside

And remain strong

 

Without a worry

I can stay

Because I miss thee

And being there is okay

 

No more almost a home

No more pain

And forced to roam

 

No more alone

No more insane

And forced to go

 

I don’t belong anywhere

The moment I start to settle

And told to not be there

 

A message from

The universe

The story of my life

 

A lifelong

Curse

To keep on walking the night

 

Don’t share

Or you’ll cause

Despair

 

Where is my home

Mother Nature

Where do I go?

 

Mother earth

Where do I stay

What am I worth?

 

I pray to you

As one druid should

I’m at peace too

With your beings made of wood

 

But I’m becoming distant

I am feeling rejected

Although resistant

I feel defeated

 

I wear your creations

Around me

But am I a manifestation

To thee?

 

To the lord in the sky

Are you still watching over me?

Do you hear the prayers of mine?

Are you still listening to me?

 

Is there a place for me?

Out there?

Will I be seen?

Somewhere?

 

For each mountain

Has its ground

And each fountain

Has its sound

 

For each tree

Has it’s soil

Where it’s roots

Settle and coil

 

For each herd

Has its grassland

And each bird

Has its marshland

 

Each being

Has its place

So where do I belong

Where’s my place

 

They say

Home is where

The heart is

But mine got broken

Along the way

 

But in my grey

Home is where you’re

Discarded

And told

To go away

See Me

Welcome to this wild world

Where the pressure is high

And the ones that struggle go low

With little health to thrive

 

Just pick an illness

And we’ve all got a trait

Just a fast pace life waiting to kill us

If we’re late

 

Take my mind

And breathe it for a day

You’ll soon realise

Things are harder my way

 

Keep it silent

Keep it tucked under

Stay compliant

We’re prey not hunters

 

I just want to explode

But I don’t know how

I feel I’m about to implode

But I feel I’m not allowed

 

How do I speak?

Without bringing others down

How to I sleep

With all my internal sound

 

You look fine

You seem okay

Because over time

I learnt to behave that way

 

But I need to speak

I need to cry

Just a little comfort

And then I’ll be fine

 

I don’t want to

Take up energy

But I feel the blue

About to take over me

 

But I don’t know how

To tell anyone

I’m forever scared and trapped

In a thunder storm

 

I can’t tell them how

I’m feeling it will

Drive them away

 

I can’t let this out

But I can’t seal it

Completely away

 

How do I get those?

Who want to inflict pain

To leave me be

 

I am far not close

I’m not in there way

They don’t have to see me

 

I pray to God

I pray to mother earth

Why are there cowards

Why am I the curse?

 

Why shift the battle onto me

Why shift the battle and join in

Why when you don’t see me

Must I be the one to bring sin?

 

I feel the need to be strong

Brave and impenetrable

Because I seem to be the only one

That can see what’s going on

 

It has been this way for years

Nothing is going to change

Nothing is more crystal clear

Then this persistent cycle of pain

 

So drop the happy family image

That one day we will all love each other

Let go of the concept love has no limit

I no longer wish to suffer

 

I’m feeling the intensity now

So bring on the break down

People have enough on their plate

Without hearing me make a sound

 

Please love me

Please look after me

Please keep me

Please see me

 

I’m silent

But suffering

I’m quite

But struggling

 

It’s beginning to build up

I can’t speak

And no one will ask

 

Scared to speak as such

In case you feel overwhelmed

In case you close down and shut

 

It will end it will pass

Painful times

Will not last

 

So I’ll keep trying

I’ve got my back

I’ll keep fighting to stay on track

Hands Full Of Silver

With my heart full of gold

And my hands full of silver

Is how I’m walking this world

Learning to be a wounded healer

 

Counselling has taught me

A new way of life

Which helped me to see

A new kind of light

 

Left on my own

To drag my feet

Across darkened roads

And Depression’s defeat

 

One minute wanted

And then the next dropped

Till this day haunted

And worried I’ll become lost

 

But I got a beating heart

Which ticks each day

Turning pain into laughter

And rolling the days away

 

Rocking my bracelets up my arm

And meditating into calm

I could do a lot more work

But that can wait another day I heard

 

My life was dark and going down

But a girl walked in and pushed away the hound

She shares my smiles

And for me walks the extra mile

 

She replaced my cigarettes

With her gentle hand

And replaced my alcohol

With a love that’s undammed

 

And for the first time

Saw that my Mother is missing out

Since I can’t show her this girl that’s mine

A girl who is amazing inside out

 

But I have those charms you gave to me

And she now has the other half

It’s a shame you’ll never be able to see

So I’ll just see those charms as your blessing for us

 

Because there were days

Where your illness would win

And others where you were okay

 

But I kept those charms

In the moment you had love for me

Our lives were hard

But those charms help me believe

That you even you could be happy for me

 

So on my wrist I wear mine

And on her wrist she wears hers

Just to help remind

That deep down you’re not just a complete abuser

 

 

She met my Dads

And she met my sisters

And they were all glad

That I’m happy with her

 

Even my Grandma agreed

That’s she’s so good for me

And all that my friends say

Is that she’s just so lovely

 

She holds my hand through

The rough

And keeps my eczema at bay

 

So I say I’ve got you

And hope it’s enough

To keep you another day

I Hope It’s Enough

 

I don’t want hurt anyone
I don’t want to leave a mark
I don’t want to leave with the sun
I don’t want to break a heart
I don’t want to leave an impression
That I don’t want to stay
I don’t want to ruin expectation
That I don’t turn things grey
I don’t want my past to follow me
Even though it’s alive in my mind
I don’t want my scars to haunt me
Even though they give off a bad sign
I don’t want to Ignite a fire
I don’t want to spark fright
I don’t want to turn things dire
I don’t want to spark a fight
I don’t want to give off this energy
It’s just been drilled into me
I don’t want to people to be weary
It’s just been sealed into me
I look rough
Because lifes rough
I’m not tough
Because livings tough
I’m this way because those I loved
Walked out on me
I’m this way because those I loved
Disowned and discarded me
So it’s in me
And I don’t blame you
For seeing it
But Gently
I’m going to try
And get rid of it
I don’t mean to be
The person society
Warns you about
And I can see
The fear towards me
That feels souls with doubt
A tainted handprint
Given to me
As a child
A bruised avoid her scar
That can be read
For miles
Trying to be something more
But with one touch
People get hurt
Trying to not be the cause
But my love
Makes people worse
I was closed off
For years
Staying lost
Didn’t cause others tears
I don’t reach out
Because I don’t want to be the
Upset
I just feel doubt
Because I don’t want to seem
Messed up
To be the person
Society warns you of
Is enough to quiet your song
A hidden pain leaving one lost
I’m no prince charming
I’m a mess from the streets
I’m not a mentally well being
I’m a battered and scarred sheep
It’s hard to open up
Because vulnrebility was attacked
It’s been so corrupt
Watching loved ones turn their back
But my grandma
once told me
That I have a heart
The size of mercury
It cares about others
It loves like no other
It hates seeing beings suffer
And it would do the best for another
I just hope this small aspect
Is enough
To allow you and the rest
To love
It isn’t much
But it’s all for you
It’s not gold dust
But its honest and true
I just hope its strong
Enough
To see us through